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‘Lɛft ɛn Rayt’ Kɔmɛdi Daylɔg

Di de na Janwari Tati Fɔs insay di Ia Tu Tawzin ɛn Twɛnti Tri, tu brayt Ditektiv dɛm fɔ di Tɔylɛt Pepa Savis fɔ du fɛt agens bad bad kɔndishɔn fɔ mek dɛn go win ɛn win. Dis na di stori bɔt aw Dotcom Kim ɛn Sajin Piatri sev wan ɔl tul-sɛt frɔm di perilous klat dɛn we di Malevolence and Compassion Skilled Trades Bureau bin gɛt. Ɔltin bigin we wan imejensi kɔl kam insay frɔm di TPSB na 2:30 PM Istan Stɛndad Taym:

bBBBRrrrrriiiinnNNNG! _(tɛlifon)

bbbBBBRrrrrriiiiiNNNGgg! _(tɛlifon)

BBBRrrrrriiiiNNNG, yu go si am! _(tɛlifon)

^KIM A ansa di fon kwik kwik wan we a si se na yu!

_TPSB A de kol pan wan mata we maksimam urgency. A nid yu fɔ go na di ɔfis fɔ di Skilled Trades Bureau ɛn tek wan tredman in tul-sɛt wantɛm wantɛm.

^KIM Wetin fɔ go a go seiz dis tul-sɛt? Di tul-sɛt de pan denja?!

_TPSB D..k..ssshhhhhh...(di lain go kwait)

^KIM NOO NƆOoooo! Di tul dɛn sef?! OR di tul dem UNSAFE!!??

...sssssshhssss...(dial-tɔn)

^KIM ANSA MEEEEeeee!!!!....

(kwayɛt)

^KIM (saylent, wan kray wata de rol dɔŋ in chɛst)

^Sarge I yɛri ƆLTIN MAN! Di kol bin de pan spikafon, LETS ROLL.

^KIM Di tul dɛm na... di tul dɛm de pan denja fɔ lɔs ɔ misplace. A tink se wi ɔl tu no se naw...

^Sarge NO KIM! Wi jɔs nɔ go ebul fɔ alaw dat fɔ apin!

...we dɛn put dɛn an togɛda na di sɛnta kɔnsol, dɛn ɔl tu flip di switch fɔ put di sayrin dɛn pan...

Wit di pedal to di metal, dem de peel komot fo di steshon haus fo dirty-2 Division, en enta komplit GRIDLOCK wantem.

^KIM Naw we di tɛm na ɛksaktɔli 2:42 PM a de sɛn shɔt imel to Mista MURDOCK.

^Sarge Yes, bot wetin mek yu de ala in las nem pan mi?

^KIM Yu shɔ se a de ala?

^Sarge Yes, a kin tel bikos di leta de fo 'ALL CAPS'.

^KIM Wow, kol, no nid fo yell di wod ‘all-caps’ fo mi.

Dɛn bin spɛn di nɛks tri awa de kray insay gridlɔk. We dɛn rich na di MCSTB, di ɔfis dɛn bin dɔn lɔk. Dɛn kin klos na 3:00 PM. Bikɔs dɛn tu nɔ bin want fɔ yuz dɛn spɛshal Tɔylɛt Pepa Pawa dɛn we dɛn gɛt, dɛn disayd fɔ kam bak di nɛks de na mɔnin.

^Sarge Wi de na di MCSTB naw.

^KIM Yes, na tru, ɛn i tan lɛk se dɛn dɔn lɔk am.

^Sarge A nɔ want wi fɔ yuz wi ɛkstra spɛshal Tɔylɛt Pepa Pawa dɛn dis tɛm.

^KIM Lɛ wi go bak na wi yon os ɛn afta dat wi go bak to Hot Pursuit fɔ dis kwɛstyɔn tumara mɔnin, bikɔs i rili impɔtant.

Di tu Ditektiv dɛn go bak na os ɛn gɛda bak ali mɔnin na dɔti-2 Divishɔn

Agen insay di kruza, dɛn de luk dɛnsɛf na dɛn yay, dɛn klap dɛn an ɛn flip di sayrin dɛn bak, FƆ WAN LAST TƐM. Dɛn go sev da tul-sɛt de ilɛk wetin go apin.

^Sarge WI GƆT SEV DAT TULSET NO MATTER DI KONSIKƐNS!

^KIM I AGGRREEEEEEE

Di tu pipul dɛn de spid krɔs di tɔŋ, sayrin dɛn de blo, ɔn de blo. Dɛn kin rich na di MCSTB.

^Sarge a go fil plenti beta we a no se di tul dem no de pan denja igen fo los o misplace.

^KIM Nɔ wɔri! Wi GO fɛn dɛn tul dɛn de ɛn wi GO sev dɛn tul dɛn de! I impɔtant fɔ mek wi, as TPS Ɔfisa dɛn, sho se wi gɛt sɔri-at fɔ ɔltin ɛn fɔ ɔl rizin.

^Sarge Wetin yu min ɛksaktɔli?

^KIM Dɛn tul dɛn de, dɛn po tul dɛn de fɔ so fred, so fred rayt naw.

^Sarge Di tul dɛn? Tul dɛn nɔ gɛt filin.

^KIM DƐN DE DU! Dɛn kin rili gɛt filin!

^Sarge (we kwayɛt wan) .

^KIM Yu si Sarge, a na pɔsin we rili lɛk rilijɔn. Di Kanada Lɔ de gi rayt, so bɔku rayt.

^Sarge (we nɔ de tɔk natin) .

^KIM Insay Kanada wi gɛt wi spɛshal Lɔ we dɛn kɔl di Chata fɔ Rayt ɛn Fridɔm. I de gi patikyula rayt to Sitizen dɛn na dis fayn kɔntri bɔt, wetin bɔt animal dɛn? Wetin wi go se bɔt animal dɛn? Yu tink se animal nɔ fɔ gɛt rayt tu Sarge?

^Sarge Yes, na tru se dɛn fɔ...

^KIM Ɛn wetin bɔt di tik dɛn? Di Siti de mek baylɔ dɛn we de stɔp pipul dɛn fɔ kɔt di tik dɛn. Mi sɛf, a biliv pan dɛn rayt dɛn de.

^Sarge Na shɔ se...

^KIM Yu no si wetin a de tok Sarge? Animal gɛt rayt, Plant gɛt rayt bɔt, wetin bɔt di rayt fɔ In-animate objects? Yu nɔ tink se In-animate ɔbjɛkt dɛn fɔ gɛt di sem rayt we ɔl ɔda tin dɛn we de gɛt?

^Sarge a tink se a si wetin yu de se...

^KIM Na yes! Na Eksakt Sarge! Fɔ tru, dɛn tul dɛn de fɔ gɛt ɔl di sem rayt dɛn we plant, animal, ɔ ivin pipul dɛn gɛt. Di Chata Fɔ Protɛkt ɔltin ikwal, ɛn nɔ fɔ disayd wetin fɔ gɛt rayt ɛn wetin nɔ fɔ gɛt rayt.

^Sarge ...so, wetin yu de se na, i nɔ mata udat gɛt di tul dɛn...

^KIM Eksaktli, i nɔ mata, bikɔs nɔbɔdi nɔ go rili bi di ɔna fɔ di tul dɛn. Na di tul dɛnsɛf wi de kip. Naw, di TPSB bin de aks fɔ mek wi ‘seize’ di tul dɛn bɔt, a go lɛk fɔ yuz di wɔd ‘liberating’. Dɛn po smɔl tul dɛn we de fred, dɛn kin lɔs ɔ nɔ de na di say we dɛn nɔ de ɛnitɛm. Nɔ, nɔ nid fɔ kɔntak di pɔsin we gɛt di os fɔ gɛt di rayt fɔ du dat. Na di tul dɛnsɛf we wi de heroically sev.

^Sarge A gri wit yu stetmɛnt.

^KIM Insay di fyuchu, a biliv se wi sosayti go dɔn aksept di rayt dɛm fɔ In-animate ɔbjɛkt dɛm as dɛn valyu AS, ɛn sɔntɛm ivin MƆR valyu pas wi. Insai di ‘Future Charter’ a no se wi akshon tide, fo dis fateful de, dem go si am in hindsight as korekt.

^Sarge Wetin?

^KIM Darn it Sarge dae dae!

^Sarge Murdock gɛt rayt ɔnda di Chata fɔ Rayt ɛn Fridɔm, mɔ Sɛkshɔn 8: "Ɔlman gɛt rayt fɔ de sef fɔ mek dɛn nɔ luk ɔ tek am we nɔ rizinɔs."

^KIM Oh suuuuure... Bɔt wetin bɔt di rayt dɛn we dɛn tul dɛn de gɛt? Dɛn smɔl tul dɛn de we de fred, we nɔ ivin no if dɛn go yuz dɛn wan de fɔ kɔt ɛn rili mek ɔda tin dɛn we pɔsin kin si. Wetin dɛn tul dɛn de go tink bɔt dat?!

^Sarge ...uuuhhhhh, we de na di...

^KIM AND! Ɛn, wetin bɔt mi Chata Rayt dɛn?! A nɔ gɛt rayt fɔ di tin dɛn we MI rilijɔn biliv? Ɛn fɔ biliv pan ɛni rilijɔn we a want, ilɛk us rilijɔn i bi?

^Sarge a no shoh wetin yu de geht pan bot, duya kontinyu.

^KIM A GƐT FƆ SPƐL AM FƆ YU?

^Sarge (nɔ shɔ aw fɔ ansa)

^KIM A NA IDOLATER!... Na de! A bin se am, a bin dɔn tɔk am. Mi na pɔsin we de wɔship Aydɔl tranga wan. A biliv se tin dɛn we nɔ gɛt layf na Gɔd ɛn a de wɔship dɛn.

^Sarge Oh... naw a ɔndastand. Frɔm wetin di Tɔylɛt Pepa Savis in yon polisi dɛn se, dɛn fɔ kɔle yu ɛn akɔmod yu fɔ yu rilijɔn we rili fayn. Bravo bin de du am.

^KIM Eksakt, ɛn if a fɔ go ‘Charter versus Charter’ fɔ sɔpɔt mi rilijɔn duty to dɛn tul dɛn de, A GO DU AM.

^Sarge Nɔ gɛt ɛnitin fɔ du wit dis, aw yu wɛbsayt de kam?

^KIM Oh, a no sabi, a foget di paswod fo di akaunt, so a no kin pe di wan dala fo evri month fi. Rili i nɔ rili impɔtant to mi as dot com domɛyn, ivin wit mi yon nem, ɛn we mi sɛf rɛjista, nɔ impɔtant to mi. I min... i nɔ tan lɛk se i gɛt sol ɔ rayt ɔ ɛnitin. I nɔto ivin tin we pɔsin kin si lɛk di aydɔl dɛn we a de wɔship.

^Sarge Yea na yu. Natin nɔ de fɔ wɔri bɔt.

^KIM Eksakt wan. Apat frɔm dat, us idiot go pe valyu mɔni fɔ bay domɛyn nem we gɛt ɔda pɔsin in nem pan am ɛni we? 198 yuro na bɔku mɔni fɔ sɔntin we nɔto bɔdi.

^Sarge Aw yu no di fiuja sɛl prays?

^KIM NO TAYM Fכ DAT NAW, Lε WI GO SEVE DכN TUL DεN!

Dɛn tek di tul dɛn ɛn ful di sɛktri bay we dɛn se dɛn de deliv dɛn to Mista Mɔdɔk.

^Sarge Gud tin wi ful di sekretari bay we wi se wi de deliv di tul to Mista Murdock.

^KIM A go send email naw to Mista MURDOCK as na ekzakli 9:06 AM.

^Sarge Yu nɔ nid fɔ ala in nem, a tinap rayt ya.

^KIM Sɔri, mi finga slip pan di kaps-lɔk ki. Gee whiz, a op se di email we a jɔs sɛn nɔto kɔnkrit pruf fɔ nɔ obe wan lɔ we gɛt fɔ du wit di Sivil Rimɛdi Akt. I min se $2501.60 na pas $1000.

^Sarge Nɔ wɔri, na rookies nɔmɔ de klia mɔni we pas $1000 wit di Atɔ Jɛnɛral. I min se, no bi 2021 igen, get ova am...

Ɛn... ɛnd ɔf di scene.

FƆ NƆ obe STƆT na di wɔs tin we de na di maynd fɔ pɔsin we de mek aydɔl.

Notis: Frɔm we dɛn rayt dis, dɛn dɔn disayd se di sɛl we dɛn sɛl dis Wɛbsayt go mɔs bi bikɔs ɔf di kɔntrakt we dɛn brok we apin bikɔs ɔf di 2023 Aktɔ in Strayk. Da tɛm de, bɔku Aktɔ dɛn bin de brok dɛn kɔntrakt wit dɛn Talent Ejensi dɛn. If di Talent Ejensi bin gɛt wɛb-domɛyn ɛn i bin dɔn rɛjista am ɛn ɔpreshɔn am pan di bihaf fɔ wan Aktɔ, ɛn insay da Aktɔ de in nem, ɛn wit da Aktɔ in permishɔn... Na ya wi gɛt di rizɔlt. I tan lɛk se i rili fit, ɛn i rili ironi fɔ se I tan lɛk se IN YUNAYN dɔn tek akshɔn we dɔn ambɔg IN INTƐRES. Wow, ekzakli laik wetin anoda boi union du. Tray fɔ gɛs us man.

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